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Poke My Soul

September 3, 2013

InstagramHello, my name is Clayton, and I’m an oversharer.

I love social media.  The fact that I can interact with people around the world, whether they’re across the street or across the sea, is incredible.  I can get the score of an Angels game, an update on Syria, and a picture of my best friend’s kids in an instant.

But I don’t just lurk.  I post.  A lot.

I’m the guy who posts pictures of my food.  I’m the guy who Vines a boat ride on Lake Minnetonka (seriously, I did it yesterday).  I’m the guy who checks into every ride at Disneyland and plasters it for the world to see.

Why?

I used to think it was the desire to connect.  And, to a certain extent, it is.  But when I dug in, I realized there was a whole lot more going on.

I post because I want people to look at me.  I want them to peek into my life and say, “Wow, there’s Clayton.  What a life.  I want to hang out with that guy.”

It’s all about pride.  I want people to see me.  I want people to realize how great I am.

Man, I’m depraved…

The oversharing – the desire to scream “HEY, LOOK AT ME!” – comes out of a deep longing, a legitimate chasm reaching deep into my heart.

I long to be seen.

I long to be affirmed.

I long to be known.

So I go to the easiest source of affirmation – re-tweets and comments.  After all, why put in the work to discover who I really am when I can get 39 warm, fuzzy “Likes” in an hour?

This is what happens when I don’t go to the source.  To realize that I BELONG, and rest long enough to simply BE, I need only approach my maker.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to heaven you are there!
If I make my bed in the depths, you are there!
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
And I settle on the far side of the sea,
Even there your hand will guide me,
Your right hand shall hold me fast.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.

Here’s the truth:  I AM known.  I AM Christ’s beloved.  He’s already said everything there is to say about me, and declared me his son.  That’s it.  End of line.  The longing I feel is very real, but when I look into the chasm and am overwhelmed by its vastness I’m simply not acknowledging reality.  I’m not living in the verity of what I say I believe!  So I continue to post highlights of my fluffed up existence in an effort to fill the void that is simply a perception carried out by my depravity.

Seeking the truth… that I am loved… that I belong… is an ongoing journey.  Every so often I get a glimpse into the father-heart of God, and I am overcome with true joy.

That, my friends, is the ultimate affirmation.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. September 3, 2013 6:48 pm

    preach it brotha

    • thebassoflife permalink*
      September 3, 2013 7:54 pm

      Thanks, David!

  2. Zach Miller permalink
    September 3, 2013 9:22 pm

    Clayton- very introspective and it makes me reflect on how I look for affirmation in the things I do and obtain in this life also. You are so right God has already given me the ultimate affirmation and sent Jesus for me. Geez when you put it like that I feel foolish persuing worldly accomplishments and acclamades. But then I wonder where is the line of me persuing worldly versus persuing what He wants me to accomplish in order to reach others in His name? …I guess I’ll have to chew on that one for a while.
    Thanks for making me think and look inward!

  3. September 9, 2013 1:23 pm

    I like this post and how you write. Thanks for this reminder that God is always there to know me and love me.
    -Peter from the Bridge

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