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Awaken my soul

September 2, 2013

River

 

The past six months have been pretty dry.  Numbness has become the norm, and passion has all but disappeared.

Enter Brené Brown.  I haven’t spent a great deal of time pondering the idea of shame.  I mean, all Christians feel the need to make the distinction between guilt and shame, and for good reason.  But it’s always been a more practical discussion.  “Make sure you don’t feel shame, because it’s bad.”  That’s about it.  However, her talk on the effects of shame started me down a thought path that led me to a stunning realization…

My soul is riddled with shame.  Past wrongs and hurts cloud my thoughts.  Situations completely outside of my control cause my heart to sink.  Even nice gestures and gifts seem odd, because they are being done for or given to someone as undeserving as myself.

Pretty messed up, right?

The last month has been different.  As I’ve identified the shame, repented, and changed my thinking, I’ve started to come alive.  I can feel my heart beating… the gentle rising and falling of my chest as I breathe fresher air…

Most importantly, I can hear the muffled voice of my savior calling me to himself.  It’s as if there is a brick wall between us.  As my thinking is redeemed, bricks are removed, and the wall gets a bit shorter.  As I pictured this scene in my mind, it hit me… He’s not calling from the other side of the wall, he’s calling from the top.

I can’t really do anything to redeem myself.  All I bring to the table is a willing heart.  And, let’s be honest, Jesus probably had to do the work just to make it willing.  But he’s walking me through this, healing me, redeeming my mind, and drawing me to a place of greater intimacy with him.

For the first time in six months, I am alive.

Awaken my soul.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 3, 2013 12:27 am

    Glad to see you writing again. 🙂

  2. Zach Miller permalink
    September 3, 2013 12:07 pm

    Great to see you posting again!! How are you handling the shame from the past and then applying it to potential future shame?

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