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Humbled! Oww, my self-perception…

November 12, 2010

As most of you know, I struggle with gluttony, mainly with regard to food (What?  Gluttony can apply to things other than food?!  Yes, yes it can, but that’s another discussion.).  It’s something I’m trying to overcome with diet, exercise and a whole lot of prayer.  Blood sugar levels are down, but I have a long way to go.

Seemingly unrelated is the fact that I just made the transition into full-time, support-based ministry, which means that in this season I am completely focused on building a financial ministry support team that will join me in this journey.  This means that I’m praying quite a bit, asking the Lord to meet my tangible/practical.  I’m getting a bit worried, because I’m not sure where the money to pay my bills is going to come from.

Then I read this:  “You do not have, because you do not ask.  You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.”  James 4: 2b-3 (emphasis added)

My “passion” is food, and I continue to make poor choices in that area.  I need money to buy food and feed that addiction.  Suddenly the connection slowly comes into focus.  Now, while I don’t believe God requires perfection (there’s no verse in the Bible that says “I love you unconditionally, unless, of course, you eat a lot.”), I do believe that God’s Word offers a pretty obvious answer to the question of “Why isn’t my support coming in?”  It might not be the only answer, but it is one, plain and simple.

So, what now?  Well, I need to ask myself the question, “Is facing into my addiction worth the benefit that may come from it?”  Perhaps more directly “Do I believe what God says in Scripture, and will I obey what He commands?”  You see, I don’t want to obey God simply to get more money.  That doesn’t make sense, especially coming from a missionary, and it boils down to an attempt at manipulation.  I want to obey God in this area because I love Him, and because of the sacrifice He made for me.

And so I continue my journey toward health and healthy living with a new perspective, and perhaps a clearer view of what God is teaching me during this season.

 

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Beth permalink
    November 12, 2010 4:20 pm

    Isn’t it something that to what lengths God will go to help us see something more clearly and to help us grow? Painful as it might be at times. He is good and loves us SO much. Keep on the journey, son.

    Love you,
    Mom

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