Poke My Soul
I love social media. The fact that I can interact with people around the world, whether they’re across the street or across the sea, is incredible. I can get the score of an Angels game, an update on Syria, and a picture of my best friend’s kids in an instant.
But I don’t just lurk. I post. A lot.
I’m the guy who posts pictures of my food. I’m the guy who Vines a boat ride on Lake Minnetonka (seriously, I did it yesterday). I’m the guy who checks into every ride at Disneyland and plasters it for the world to see.
I used to think it was the desire to connect. And, to a certain extent, it is. But when I dug in, I realized there was a whole lot more going on.
I post because I want people to look at me. I want them to peek into my life and say, “Wow, there’s Clayton. What a life. I want to hang out with that guy.”
It’s all about pride. I want people to see me. I want people to realize how great I am.
Man, I’m depraved…
The oversharing – the desire to scream “HEY, LOOK AT ME!” – comes out of a deep longing, a legitimate chasm reaching deep into my heart.
I long to be seen.
I long to be affirmed.
I long to be known.
So I go to the easiest source of affirmation – re-tweets and comments. After all, why put in the work to discover who I really am when I can get 39 warm, fuzzy “Likes” in an hour?
This is what happens when I don’t go to the source. To realize that I BELONG, and rest long enough to simply BE, I need only approach my maker.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to heaven you are there!
If I make my bed in the depths, you are there!
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
And I settle on the far side of the sea,
Even there your hand will guide me,
Your right hand shall hold me fast.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
Here’s the truth: I AM known. I AM Christ’s beloved. He’s already said everything there is to say about me, and declared me his son. That’s it. End of line. The longing I feel is very real, but when I look into the chasm and am overwhelmed by its vastness I’m simply not acknowledging reality. I’m not living in the verity of what I say I believe! So I continue to post highlights of my fluffed up existence in an effort to fill the void that is simply a perception carried out by my depravity.
Seeking the truth… that I am loved… that I belong… is an ongoing journey. Every so often I get a glimpse into the father-heart of God, and I am overcome with true joy.
That, my friends, is the ultimate affirmation.